Your not ready.
Someone once told me “your not ready for a relationship” but how do you know that? In what world, does knowing someone for a couple weeks constitutes the right for you to make an opinion? In what world, does a man get to tell you that your not ready to grow up? What gives you the right to say those things to someone you hardly know? Is it just your cowardice way of saying you can’t handle me? Or maybe i’m too much for you? Cause i find it quite funny how just a few weeks later, i find my future husband. Honestly, thank god you said that.
They said i fall too fast. Maybe. Or maybe i just don’t fear love the way they do. Finding your person, in my opinion, is the sweetest feeling in the world. Whether it’s a man, a woman, or your best friend. The joy of finding someone who appreciates all of you is rare. Someone that see’s every single part and never asks you to change.
For some reason it’s always the situation-ships that leave the gnarliest scars. How does a 2 year relationship compare to a couple months of uncertainty and insanity. It’s like a bullet to the chest the way these boys toy with you. Lets all just laugh about it until i cry huh?
If this is aggressive, it’s not from my own doing. You can’t get mad at my point of view when it’s your actions i’m talking about. What did you want from me? Follow me around all night like a lost puppy, take what you want…then what? Change your mind? Did your tiny brain get distracted by something far less shiny? You caged me into your idealisation, until i turned and looked crazy. I used to feel so ashamed, so embarrassed to think of all the ways i had been left out to dry. Now, they are just distant memories that come up when you cross my mind. Insignificant, boring and a delicious dinner party anecdote.
It’s quite funny to sit back and think about it all. It’s definitely turned into a huge joke between my best friend and i ~ and for that, we thank you.
This loss and the dismissal of it all isn’t painful anymore. It’s not just about the one guy who said i’m not ready. It’s about the pattern. The ache of not being taken seriously, of being told i’m not enough yet ~ like my wholeness is always pending on someone else’s approval.
No one ever considered i already was all these things ~ just not in a way they understood.
Now, when someone says im too much, i smile and put up the middle finger. Cause i know they mean, i’m too sure. Too aware. Too unwilling to shrink. That’s fine. I’m not dressing for your comfort anymore. Im doing it all for me.
Goodbye and Good Riddance.
“How long will you keep dancing with all the ghosts of you past before you realise you are no haunted house and let them go?”
Always, in the glow of honey and moonlight
xx
Mon